Thank you Rachelle for this precious gift. 

Conviction ~ 

Goodness, that is a huge big scary word for me. In my opinion it could possibly be one of the hardest things to deal with in life.  Don't get me wrong, when the Lord works on your heart about something and begins the convicting process it's a beautiful thing, it just isn't easy to deal with sometimes. It's one of those things in life that hurts but feels good all at the sametime. When the Lord starts working on your heart, you get that uneasy feeling that someone knows one of your deepest darkest secrets. That unworthy feeling overwhelms you and you begin to second guess all your choices. Sometimes conviction goes along with understanding that because of your choices bad things have happened. As I've grown in my walk with Christ and matured in Him he has shown me many things along the way. Conviction has been part of my daily life since I surrendered my life to Christ many years ago. While on this journey I have and will fall MANY times, but God has/will always be right there to pick me up.

As I reflect on the most profound convictions in my life one stands out far more than all the rest. An area of my life that I thought I had under control. An area that seemed so easy.. an area that one would assume this is a natural characteristic. Umm, well not so much in my case. I'm thinking maybe its something we learn as we grow. Quite possibly it could be a learned behavior, from our parents.  I'm not 100% sure how we get it all I know is I never got it!

Friendship: an area of my life that I have always struggled with.  I have always had lots of acquaintances but as far as having "best friends" that's a difficult area for me. You see I've always had friends I can depend on, friends who will be there for me when I need them most, friends who would drop anything for me in a second, friends that stick by my side no matter how hard I am to love. The problem is not my friends, it's me.  For years I have struggled trying to figure out why.. why is it so hard for me to be a friend, and then God began a work in me. He opened my eyes to a painful past that I have tried desperately to block out. He took away the gray areas and filled them with color, now I see why something so simple has been so hard for me.  

My biological father left when I was just a baby, walked out on 3 girls 8, 4 and an infant. Left three girls to be fatherless, and a wife who had to do it all alone. One of the most difficult times in our lives, and in our mother's life, and selfishness reared it's ugly head. It was easier for him to walk out and leave what he loved behind and never look back. Easier for him to walk out on his responsibilities instead of wading through the mess. Easier for him to throw in the towel and run away.

As a little girl of course growing up without a father was tough at times. However, thankfully, God is our Father, who gave us a Mother who was strong enough to withstand the storms that would come and love us unconditionally. 

As I have grown and matured in my life I have found myself thanking God for many things. One being, that I didn't receive any personality traits from my biological father. Unfortunately that was a short lived prayer after God convicted my heart about friendship. You see, my father saw the easy way out, he decided that standing strong through the storm wasn't for him. He ran away when things got messy, and while I thought I was free from all of his trails, God reminded me I am not.

Proverbs 17:17 says, A friend loves at all times. An area which I struggle. I have the ability to love while things are good, but as soon as things begin to get tough, I run away. My selfishness rears it's ugly head. It's easier for me to walk out instead of wading through the mess. I build up a wall and distance myself from the source. Maybe it's to protect my heart from hurt, or maybe it's simply because I am selfish. Whatever the reason it's a trait that I don't want anymore!

God has and continues working on my heart extensively, and through this conviction process He is growing me into a better friend.  He has opened my eyes to the Truth about me, opened my heart to realize we are called to love like Christ loves, with Agape love. 
Luke 6:31 says, Do to others as you would have them do to you. 
1 Peter 4:8 says, After all love each other deeply, because love covers a multitude of sins. Romans 12:10 says, Love one another with brotherly affection. Out do one another in showing honor. Simple instruction really, God calls us to love like He loves, to walk like He walks, to talk like He talks. He would never walk out on us, He wades through the mess, and loves when we are unlovable. 

Friends are the family we choose for ourselves, really an extension of our family. Friendship is not something to take for granted, and true friends are hard to find.  Today I encourage you, if you have a friend whom you have lost touch with, Contact them today! 
Proverbs 17:17 encourages us to Love at ALL times!! Not just the good times! 

Thank you for reading my Blog, It is my prayer that through it God spoke to you! I value you and your prayers as I am still a work in progress. 


Philippians 1:6